Consensual Living
June 2007 Newsletter
Consensual Living: The art of creating solutions and living joyfully
Please join us at our yahoo group www.groups.yahoo.com/group/Consensual-living and at our web site www.consensual-living.com
We have received many questions concerning the law of attraction and positive intent over the past months. So this newsletter will focus on those topics and bringing understanding of those terms. Enjoy!
If you have any questions you would like to see answered or topics you would like covered please visit the contact page of our web site,
http://consensual-living.com/contactus.htm, and submit your thought or ideas.
Positive Intent
What is positive intent?
-How do I keep that in mind during stressful moments?
-What is the law of attraction?
There are so many occurrences where assuming *positive intent* changes the reality of a situation. This morning we were planning to go to the park with friends. Well, *I* was planning; and ds usually is agreeable about going to the park and seeing friends. :-)
But, this day, ds decided he wanted to stay home. I could assume that he was being difficult, since he *wants* to go the park and *wants* to see friends. But, we've had many, many outings this past week with his birthday celebrations with friends and family. And really he just wants some down time. Fortunately, I was able to look beyond the fact that I had arranged with others to meet at the park and they were already in route to the park! So, we discussed ds not wanting to go today and he suggested "maybe another day". <Eeek! I am thinking inside. Everyone is already planning to go TODAY! Because *I* arranged for them to meet us there!> And I *do* have their cell phone numbers, and I *can* call them and give them a heads up, and we *can* plan another outing. Therefore, by trusting "we can work it out" and "there is plenty of time", I was able to create the emotional space for us to find an alternate solution.
Having the affirmation or mantras of "we can work it out" and "there is plenty of time" really help me to create the emotional space for imagining alternatives which meet everyone's needs. Trusting that these affirmations are true becomes easier and easier the more I practice observing for their Truth. Because when I assume that "we can NOT work it out", I create that reality with my mental opposition to finding alternatives! When I assume that "there is NOT enough time", I create that reality by rushing through the opportunity to create the emotional space for an alternative to manifest. My reality is created by my thoughts, and my emotional energy follows. I attract the solutions OR the obstacles with my assumptions. Once I was able to shift to a place of Trust that "we can work it out" and "there is plenty of time", solutions and space to BE in the moment unfolded. Releasing the pressure to FIND a solution, creates the space to observe an alternate possibility. And there are infinite possibilities when we are not tied to a set outcome.
The Law of Attraction conceptualizes this experience of when we focus on what we LACK, we manifest lack. Lack of solutions, lack of time, lack of cooperation, lack of "enough"...
When we focus, trust and are grateful for the PLENTY: plenty of solutions, plenty of time, plenty of cooperation, and "enough" for everyone, PLENTY is the reality that we create! It is very powerful to realize the simplicity and effectiveness of "With our thoughts we create our world". By assuming *positive intent*, we receive positive intent. With older children and adults, often we assume intent for behaviors, rather than Trusting there are solutions which will work for everyone. We may have a mindset of competing needs, which assumes lack of "enough" for everyone to get what they want. Beyond wanting everyone to get what they want, there is a place where we can *Trust* that everyone CAN get what they want. If we assume that there is "not enough" for everyone to get what they want, we create that reality with our mental opposition to finding alternatives! Again, it is moving to the space of Trusting that there is PLENTY for everyone, that CREATES the reality that "we can work it out"! Assuming positive intent is based upon Trusting that there are PLENTY of solutions for everyone to get what they want.
I find the Law of Attraction mantras "All is well. Everything is working toward our Highest Self. Out of this situation only Awareness and Joy will unfold. I am Safe." to be comforting, empowering and magical!
Pat
Positive Intent
(Anna Brown)
Last night I heard a story about a child who wanted to sit at another table at a restaurant after everyone had taken their seats. The story was to illustrate an “over empowered” child. The immediate reaction of those that heard the story was, indeed, that the child was “spoiled”, that she was trying to make a power play, that she was just being difficult. What the story called to mind for me, was to assume positive intent.
Had I, a “rational adult”, gotten up from a table after we had just been seated, I would have most likely heard, “are you ok?”, “what’s going on?”. At that point, I might say “the vent was blowing on my neck”, or “that table is smoking and my asthma is acting up”, or “the seat was sticky and clearly hadn’t been cleaned”. The “inconvenience” of moving would have been secondary to making sure I was comfortable. The assumption would be that there was a rational reason for me getting up from the table. The assumption for the child in the exact same situation was that she was difficult and spoiled.
When it’s put that way, I think it’s easy to see how those types of assumptions distance us and make it much harder to find solutions. When we assume positive intent we ask questions, clarify, empathize and can find solutions that work for everyone.
Next time your child does something that you don’t understand and you feel yourself jumping to conclusions, step back, assume positive intent and ask questions. The energy you bring with you when you are assuming positive intent will open up the lines of communication and keep you connected with your child.
From the Consensual Living yahoo list: Understanding the Law of Attraction
>>> For instance, how does a person actually "put out" a certain energy to the universe? What does that look/feel like? How does one focus their intent so as to determine what is attracted and what is repelled? I'm feeling pretty hazy in this arena.<<<
For me it looks like setting the intention for what I want. You also have to *feel* it, not just say the words. The movie, The Secret, does a good job of talking about that aspect. I talk about setting the intention a lot and realized later why it didn't work for others like it had for me - it's that *feeling* piece. The universe responds to our energy, feeling the joy of it. I think it also helps to focus on joy and gratitude.
An example from the movie, shows a guy in a car screaming at traffic in front of
him "I'm going to be late, I don't want to be late!!!" they describe the universe hearing that "late" and the angry energy of it and one road block (sometimes literally) after another appears.
>>>I am also hazy about the idea of positive intent. Does that just mean "assuming good intentions", in the sense that others will never be acting from a place of desire to create conflict or inflict harm?<<<
I think behaviors are meant to meet needs. It helps me to separate the behavior
and it's impact on me from the need behind it so I can understand what is going
on. When I assume that someone is just trying to meet their needs and not hurt
me, that it often isn't even about me, I can usually get to a place to help a lot faster than if I feel like they are deliberately trying to hurt me.
>>>Aren't there instances where people *are* coming from that place though? Would the principles of consensual living still apply then, in situations where the other party is not reacting from a place of good intent? <<<
It's not so much that they are acting with "good intent" (not crazy about that
word :) but it's more that they are trying to meet a need and figuring out what
that is, often leads to finding other ways to meet it that have less impact.
I would not be able to live consensually without the understanding of the law of attraction.
Anna
Manifesting Our Family Vision
By Tracy Liebmann
www.transformingfamily.com
How do we go about manifesting our family’s dreams? The process will look different for every family since we are all autonomous beings, so the ideas I talk about in this article are not directives, I just enjoy sharing what goes on inside my head. I have found that it can be challenging to use words to describe a spiritual concept, a concept that evolves through spirit, yet I continue to try.
My vision for my family started out inside of me, my spirit was my guiding light. My spirit told me that I wanted a loving, harmonious, consensual home; I wanted everyone to hold their own power. As a child I felt very powerless and am still working on owning my power. I didn’t want to do that to my family. It has been a journey and along the way I have learned a few things I would like to share. The most important thing I learned was not to focus on what I don’t want, but to focus on what I did want. For me, I started out knowing what I didn’t want and for a while did make the mistake of focusing on that and it didn’t feel very good. I recognized that this wasn’t working, I looked for a new way and the universe delivered the knowledge I needed to move forward. I read and was told to tap into how it would feel to have this family I envisioned. I am a feeling being, so that really helped me. I remember lying in my bath tub closing my eyes and actually feeling how wonderful it would be and from that point forward it came fairly natural to focus on that good intention, instead of my old tapes. Sounds easy enough…and for some it really is easy, for others including myself there was still more to do.
The Zen philosophy really resonates with me, it is based in practicality, the idea that the spiritual is in the mundane. So in my everyday life I had to practice seeing the spiritual goodness in everything. That is not to say bad thing don’t happen or that some days people don’t just feel sad, angry or whatever. For me acceptance is the key to all my feelings and working through them. We often hear the statement “choose joy” and that can be a bit challenging when something awful is going on; an illness, tragedy, disagreement with someone or even something dreaded by a lot of people as simple as the dentist <g>. How do we choose joy then you might ask. Again, acceptance of what is going on is the starting point for me. Reminding myself that all of life is available to us for a reason, we might not understand the reason, but I try to accept everything as just being “OK”. When I can accept what’s going on I am choosing joy, even if it doesn’t fell great. It’s accepting the yin and the yang of life. It is embracing what is…reality.
Just this morning I received a daily email from the Abraham-Hicks website that suggested looking at life as a buffet. I will paraphrase; to choose your thoughts, just like you choose your food at the buffet. You put what you like onto your plate and you can choose what you want in your life. Yet, what about the challenging stuff life brings us, like I mentioned above…that can be a sticking point for many of us. If I manifested the good stuff, then do I manifest the bad stuff too? This kind of thinking can bring on new age guilt, which in my opinion is undesirable. I bring this up to clarify my point about acceptance. When we accept life, focus on what we want, be true to ourselves, follow our hearts and believe we can have everything we desire for ourselves and our families we will manifest our vision! May the force be with you ;-)
Tracy Liebmann is a certified life coach and unschooling mom. If you are a person who desires more joy and ease within your family, she will empower you to realize your vision for the kind of family you desire. She offers one FREE ½ hour session so that you can experience what coaching can do for you and your family. Go to her website www.transformingfamily.com to learn more about her practice.
From the Consensual Living yahoo list: Law of Attraction
I have found acceptance to be one of my most powerful tools! For me acceptance of it all, how I feel
(angry,scared,hurt...),how it affects me, why this is so difficult for me. Always being self accepting, along with accepting the other. We are all individuals with different filters; the hard truth is that
you'll have to find what works for you. If you need to be heard, then tell your truth, I caution that this can be like throwing gas on a flame if not approached very carefully. I have found using the principles of Non violent communication can be really helpful, their website explains the basics www.cnvc.org.
Remember this is *your* experience, center yourself, love yourself, accept yourself, envision the change you want to occur, how that would feel, what it will look like...then pick up your "tools" and
see what will help you get there! Know your path...then put one foot in front of the other...knowing where you are going :-)
Peace~Love~Free~
Tracy in SC